I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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