I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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