If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
