Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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