Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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