the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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