Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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