There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
