you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
