you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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