have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
