My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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