i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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