Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
