you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
