the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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