This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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