I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
