we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.