I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
