Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize