we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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