Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
ttyl tear gas
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
