Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
