just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize