Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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