I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
