just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
