so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize