i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
