Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
