she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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