Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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