peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
