fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
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So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
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I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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