I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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