Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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