i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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