please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
