Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
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Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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