do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
