i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize