the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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