ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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