Im at strip club and am horny
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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