I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We need to rekindle our bromance
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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