I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
