she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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