my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
