Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
