it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
