the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
