i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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