I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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