I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
