my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
