did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
